Chaos ensues as bag of crisps cause slip hazard

Tensions were high after a well placed bag of crisps caused a health & safety issue at the Acomb just minutes ago.

Our reporter is on the scene and sent us this txt via magnets and prisms.

'Well it looks like Joe sent a bag of crisps to his comrades and used the air as transmission medium to achieve delivery.

The crisps allegedly struck the centre of the table and cleared out all drinks on said table.

Despite the staff attending with bar mats and caution sign, the regulars cast mucky looks all through the bingo!'

The trial continues...

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More sad news for the music industry...

Justin Bieber was found alive and well at his million dollar apartment earlier today.

Sources close say he'd enjoyed an early night and hadn't bothered anyone until his potty needed emptying after he'd had his usual milky cup of tea.

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Teenage Chav, permanently connected to Blackberry and capable only of rolling eyes to be euthanised.

A big surprise awaits the boring adolescent who sat hunched over her mobile phone connected by earphones with her back to everyone at last nights gig in Sheffield, for the girls parents are fed up with her inability to communicate verbally and believing everything real to be 'gay.'

"She doesn't know it yet, but we're having the useless arrogant shit put down next week, that'll fukin teach her the stinking fukin chav!'

The case continues...




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Bet pays off - eye operation can go ahead!

Spirits were high in the tO3 house after Chris (32, blue eyes, Aquarius) sold the pension book he found belonging to his neighbour to a crack den on Hessle Rd yesterday.

Although payment was made in counterfeit notes Chris (53, 5' 3", kinky) can now begin collecting for his younger sisters eye operation.

Answers on a postcard to...

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